Anyways, I had a bookshelf in our office that was full of my fabric bolts, books and other miscellaneous items that I wanted to sell. So, one night last week, I started the business of clearing off the shelves so that it could be moved to the garage, cleaned and priced for sale.
And then I saw it.
All it took was a glance..
I was brought back to the days immediately following May 18, 2009 when Nick brought home a velveteen bag with a box inside.
We still have her.
How could I have forgotten?
As I did a double take, I realized I wasn't seeing things, but that we do in fact, still have our little girl's ashes...and they've been living on a dusty bookshelf amongst my colorful bolts of fabric and Garth Brooks CD set.
I got teary eyed. Okay, I bawled, and Sal looked at me like, "iz u okay, mama?"
Having a child now does not replace the dreams and hopes and wonder of what she would have been like. I still want her, I still miss her...I still wonder.
I gave myself a moment, and quickly grabbed her urn, and moved it to a safe place..Our desk drawer.
The following day, NZ found her in our desk, and said the exact same thing that I had...all it took was a glance and it stops you dead in your tracks.
We've been fortunate to have the arrival of Sal into our lives. Neither one of us take a single day of him for granted...but one thing is for certain, we wish she was around to dote on a little brother. I imagine she'd be a spitfire. Maybe a bit overbearing, but defintiely a mama's "helper" that loooooved her brudder.
All it took was a glance to ground me once again.
Now I'm starting to think that maybe it's time we spread her ashes somewhere special that we can visit year after year.