Wednesday, May 2, 2012

All it takes is a glance

In our preparations for the move, we've been cleaning out the house from top to bottom. We had a garage sale last weekend, and rid ourselves of many no-longer needed items. It felt so good to purge ourselves of the excess. I had no idea that we I had accumulated so much junk. Good news is that almost all of my crafting, baking and sewing supplies sold like hotcakes. Nick says it's cause I'm a much more generous bargainer than he is. Someone would offer me a price, and I'd usually take it. Even if it was a steal! Math has never been my strong point, lol.

Anyways, I had a bookshelf in our office that was full of my fabric bolts, books and other miscellaneous items that I wanted to sell. So, one night last week, I started the business of clearing off the shelves so that it could be moved to the garage, cleaned and priced for sale.

And then I saw it.

All it took was a glance..

 I was brought back to the days immediately following May 18, 2009 when Nick brought home a velveteen bag with a box inside.

We still have her.

How could I have forgotten?

As I did a double take, I realized I wasn't seeing things, but that we do in fact, still have our little girl's ashes...and they've been living on a dusty bookshelf amongst my colorful bolts of fabric and Garth Brooks CD set.

I got teary eyed. Okay, I bawled, and Sal looked at me like, "iz u okay, mama?"

Having a child now does not replace the dreams and hopes and wonder of what she would have been like.  I still want her, I still miss her...I still wonder.

I gave myself a moment, and quickly grabbed her urn, and moved it to a safe place..Our desk drawer.

The following day, NZ found her in our desk, and said the exact same thing that I had...all it took was a glance and it stops you dead in your tracks.

We've been fortunate to have the arrival of Sal into our lives. Neither one of us take a single day of him for granted...but one thing is for certain, we wish she was around to dote on a little brother. I imagine she'd be a spitfire. Maybe a bit overbearing, but defintiely a mama's "helper" that loooooved her brudder.

All it took was a glance to ground me once again.

Now I'm starting to think that maybe it's time we spread her ashes somewhere special that we can visit year after year.

I'm ready.


  1. Tears. Being ready sounds like a good place to be. Prayers of strength and peace for you and Nick.

  2. The joy that Sal brings in no way diminishes your love for Denise. We all know your first baby is an angel...I like to think of her as Sal's special guardian. You write with such honesty and this entry brought tears. I am sending virtual hugs. One thing that I know about a parent's love, it never stops. It lives forever in your heart .
    Love you guys.