SEVENTEEN weeks

[August 13..excuse the lack of make-up..]

How many weeks? 17

Showing? I am indebted to my sister-in-law, Charlee and one of my BFF's, Dawn for the maternity clothes they sent my way. I've worn nothing but their clothes for the past 2 weeks, and I am much more comfortable and really like my new wardrobe. Both ladies have good taste, and have saved me from having to enter the over-priced maternity store here in town--at least for now..Last time they put me on mailing lists and things kept coming even after our loss..which royally sucked..so, to keep that from happening again, I am avoiding maternity stores as long as possible.

How am I feeling? Fatigued, but happy. Have been having some moments of nervousness & uncertainty since "coming out" with the news--I think that is to be expected given what we've been through. Once people know, it's this pressure that I put on myself to produce! This however, is something that I just have to go with, and hope for the best, and know that everyone who supports us through this, loves us regardless of the outcome. I just get fearful of letting not only myself and NZ down, but our families and friends as well. I don't want to be the girl that cries wolf, and then there's no wolf--Yes, I just compared announcing a pregnancy ( a tangible thing) to crying wolf--totally not comparable, but see where my head's at? Losing babies screws with your head!

Doctor’s Appointment? I've had 2 in the past week, got to hear the baby's heartbeat both times, and it was awesome. The OB I saw last Thursday is Chinese and predicted a boy based on the heartrate, but she said that is just an old wives tale. I told her that I think it's a girl, so she said, we'd see who's right pretty soon! I like her better than my regular OB, and since they are in the same clinic, I may make the switch.

Workouts? No, but feeling more like I should start walking again. I miss getting sweaty and feeling the rush of a good workout.

Sleep? Tossing and turning, but still trying my best to get as much sleep as I can. ..I wake up with sore hip joints every morning. I never had growing pains ( insert short joke here) but I imagine them to feel similar to what my hips have been going through.

Weight Gain? Apparently, 2 lbs in the last week! Grow baby, grow!

Baby Preparation? Dare I admit, I looked into carseat carriers, and strollers. I need one that can be used with its base, and in some instances, strapped in without a base...that's a hard combination to find, but it is going to make my life a WHOLE lot easier come next Winter. I refuse to buy any baby items till after 30 weeks, but I have the Peg Perego Viaggio 30/30 on my shortlist.

Likes/Dislikes? Likes: I love hearing NZ talk to the baby ( I read that their little ears work at this stage) and kiss my belly goodnight.

Dislikes: The heightened anxiety as we inch towards the halfway mark. Once we get to 25 weeks and uncharted territory, I may breathe easier, but for now, I am just waiting to hit 18 weeks which marks half way to our probable delivery date.

I try not too look too far ahead and plan, since as fellow blogger Ashley wrote, "It's hard when people tell you 'Everything is going to be fine, it HAS to be because all you have been through'. But how do we know that? We don't. Heartbreak doesn't give you good luck, promise or happiness no matter how much you go through. I wish it did." So true, my friend, so true. So for now, I muddle my way through the hours, days and weeks till we can hopefully meet our baby under planned circumstances ( hear that baby? PLANNED! No surprises). Gone is the naievity that I so wish I could have back.