I recently met another pregnant woman who is due 2 weeks after me, with her first child. She's a newlywed, in school, and will graduate just 3 weeks before her baby is due, and then her life will go on Happily ever after as a stay at home mom. She's a sweetheart, this girl...but following our exchange of details, I couldn't help but think to myself, " Hold Yer Horses, girl..You have no idea what could be ahead." I am so glad that I didn't succumb her to my negativity about what the future could hold, nor did I steal her sunshine.
But there is something deep inside me that aches when I hear other pregnant women declare with assumed certainty that they in-fact-are-having-a-baby on such and such a date, and have everything planned out to the nanosecond.
Is it jealousy? I don't know. I hope not.
Is it mourning the loss of my own naievety? Maybe.
So, how do I get over it?
How do I get over the fact that I do not want to look too far ahead and make plans on things that we most certainly do need to plan out before hand?
Hospital bag? the clothes on my back are fine, thanks. Worked for us last time, it can work again.
Birth plan? Uhm, yeah, right. How bout, get this baby out of me alive, by any means necessary. Will that work?
Nursery Theme? Does it matter? The baby will just sleep in our room. No need to decorate a nursery. ( Where as last time, I had bedding ordered the day after we found out the sex of our baby girl)
Finding out the sex? Let's be honest. I just want to hear and see that little heart beating away.
This is not like me. I am a planner. I like to be prepared. So why won't I let my guard down on one of the most important things to come into our lives? I keep hoping that at some magic date ( right now I claim 30 weeks) I will feel confident and certain that come end of December, beginning of January we will be bringing that pink white and blue hospital blanket home with a baby in it, rather than as consolation prize.
Is that too much to ask?