It was such a small gesture, but it definitely made me feel not so alone in trying to figure out which role grief is going to play in my day to day business. I mean, it's a daily struggle..but it's not impossible. I don't want to forget the experience I went through, and the little girl I held, but I also don't want to dwell on it every waking hour. It's a fine line, this whole grief business.
I'm finding that we ALL deal with grief differently. I'm finding that most of my days are full of hope, and very few are filled with despair. Today started out as a morning of despair. I cried on my way to work. I thought to myself, how unfair..why me..when will we get lucky? All the random thoughts that go through the head of someone who has lost a baby..What about next time? What if it happens again? Why do all my friends have babies and uncomplicated pregnancies, and I don't? WHY WHY WHY? I threw my very own pity party on the 5 minute drive from home to work, and when I got to the office, it was over...but I was still on the brink of tears.
It wasn't just that the patient remembered our loss, it was that she took the time to share a quote with me, courtesy of Ted Kennedy's Eulogy. There was a quote that went....
" I knew I was going to be okay.
My father taught me that even our most profound losses are survivable".
Those words were soooo what I needed to hear today. It's true. We're still alive, life is good, and we have a lot to look forward to..even on the tough days. Sometimes, a girl just needs to be reminded that she is not as weak as she thinks she is, and that her life is going on..even on the tough days.