As I lay in bed last night, NZ reminded me that it's almost my birthday. My first thought was Oh yes, another reminder that I am getting older..tick tick tick, damn biological clock..One year closer to being considered advanced maternal age (which HELLO! There are women in their 40's conceiving so I technically have time left, but not without being considered even more hi-risk than I already will be right off the bat). I started to reflect on the year since my last birthday, as I often do as another one draws near, and was close to chalking it up as one of the $hitt!est ones yet. This was the woe-is-hormonal-me thinking..because as I laid there trying to chalk up my laundry list of "bads", I only came up with one. And ya'll can guess what that was...Yup. The "I'm-the-only-woman-in-the-world-who-is-not-pregnant" cop-out.
Then positive me kicked in (thank goodness!) and went through a mental list of good thingssincemy last birthday..We found a wonderful RE who has taken us under his care and is helping us get where we want, he diagnosed a potential cause for the loss of Denise and my other two pregnancies, we have a home, both my 'ol man and I have jobs (with as much security as one can have these days), NZ got the opportunity to take on a challenging task in India, and came home, safe and sound with more experience under his belt, we had a marriage in the family, we spent vacation time with family.. Our family members, for the most part are healthy. No cancer this year, no major illnesses, and that is something to feel good about, and I do. I most definitely do.
So right then and there, lying in bed, nearing my 33rd birthday, I realized, that even if we never have our own biological kids, I am happy with the life I live. I'd be hard pressed to live without my husband by my side, or my family nearby..without them, I'd struggle..but as for now I have to let myself feel complete, whether kids are in the cards for us or not. I can not let the lack of being pregnant outweigh everything that is good around me, cause I am sure there are a lot of people out there who are down and out and see us as the luckiest people in the world--you know, having a roof over our heads and stuff.
Time to be Thankkful for the day to day stuff.
Amen to that...what an amazing young woman you have become my dear. Your mah loves you and your sister so much. On my hectic days when things might not go just the way I want, I too have to count my blessings and thank God for all that I have. Love you sweets! Your birthday is always a time for ME to reflect on your very unusual "birth date" and how you arrived in your own way and your own style!!
ReplyDeleteLove you sis! You are loved.. by all of your family..and Nick + you = a great pair!
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