No one ever wants to think that they, themselves may have something to do with other people's fears. I've never intended to scare anyone, but it's come to my understanding that even without trying to ( actually, doing my best NOT to), my experience with baby loss has had an impact on those around me who are trying to conceive and those who may also be pregnant and expecting.
I don't like that one bit. I have had multiple friends succeed in getting pregnant (so many in fact, I lost count long ago) and delivering healthy babies since our initial loss. I've got a couple of friends who, like myself, can't just wink at my husband and pop out a baby 9 months later..They too understand the 2 week wait and the anxiety it entails. I've got three friends who have had stillborn daughters, and a handful who have had complications but went on to deliver otherwise healthy children.
I keep tally, cause I'm like that. I may curse statistics, but I still obsess over them.
What I didn't understand, in writing about my loss on my blog, was that it may affect those I care about per chance that they get pregnant. No one has said anything to me about it, but I started thinking about it today, and how naieve most pregnant couples are, but those around us..those who supported us through our loss ( me moreso than my husband--because he "got it" even way back then--that we needn't scare others just because we had bad luck...too bad it has taken me 18 months to come to the same realization) are acutely aware that things can go wrong..and I feel responsible for the loss of their naievity during their pregnancy.
Should I feel responsible? There is no way to really go back and "eat my words" and I really think blogging has helped me cope and get through the stages of grief in a healthy way. How do I shield those around me from letting my experience have any weight on theirs? Am I being too hard on myself?
This is just one of those things, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. To blog about it or not to blog about it? Either way, even if I didn't talk about it to anyone, those who did support us through our loss would still be aware that losses do happen, so maybe I am just being hard on myself.
My question...Any other baby loss mom's struggle with the idea that your experience and talking about it may taint someone else's naievety during pregnancy? Or do you think "hey, it's just a fact of life--deal with it?"
Edit: After this blog was first posted, I received an e-mail from one of my college bestie's, childhood besties, who reads my blog with lovely note about how it got her thinking...and in turn, she blogged about "The Other Side" and wanted to link to this post. In turn, I would encourage readers to check out Jenn's post for a view from a woman going through pregnancy, and the feelings she has after being surrounded by loss.