Thursday, November 25, 2010

Stumbling into the Holidays

photo courtesy of

Ever since NZ returned from India, we've been go..go...go, with every single weekend filled with some sort of to-do from our list...As soon as he got home, we went to Santa Barbara for a weekend get-away, the next weekend was Halloween with friends, then the next weekend we went to San Diego..I think you get the picture..

All of a sudden, my birthday came and went without much hurrah. It's okay, I didn't want much of a fuss, and believe it or not, I requested NZ NOT make a cake for me this year. This totally broke the tradition of our relationship. Every year since we have been together, he has surprised me with some sort of cake. This year, however, I just wasn't feelin it. Instead we had icecream sundaes ( minus the fudge, but in lieu of fudge, my sis-in-law made some to-die for cookies) with my husband's brother and wife.

And now we're prepping Thanksgiving supper, our first one in our house even though we have lived here three and a half years. It dawned on me today that we have just stumbled into the Holidays..the same holidays that saw me at my lowest point of grief last year..and this year, staring down the barrel of Christmas upon us, I think I'm doing alright. I can't even describe how much different I feel this year, and really, what has changed, except for the passing of time.

I'm relieved. I think that despair is one of the worst feelings in the world, aside from deceit, and I have to admit, I had both despair and deceit last year, feeling like my little girl and my dreams were taken from me. I felt decieved by everyone who told me things were going to be okay with my pregnancy, and when things didn't go as planned, I was mad at those people.

I'm over those deep dark feelings for the most part, now. I have hope again. I am thankful for the ability to acknowledge that I am moving forward, and I am thankful for some of the opportunities that Nick and I are able to take advantage of. I am thankful that time has helped heal my broken heart, although there is a piece that has been taken and will never be replaced.

Who knows what the future has in store for my husband and I, and our journey to adding to our family, but I do feel quite fortunate to be able to look forward to the holidays with hope and happiness again.


  1. Brie, you have lifted my spirits. Today was hard. Last Thanksgiving we announced our pregnancy. We both did pretty good today, but it still hurts. It just looms over us like a big, heavy, dark cloud. I hope next year I can say those same words that you have just said.

    Happy Thanksgiving girl!

  2. Sis,
    all I can say is "I'm so proud of you. Your strength is amazing." I love you!