Rollie Pollie Fat & Ugly..bullying

There have been a host of events in the past couple of weeks that have really gotten me to think about bullying, what causes it, and how it can be prevented. The topic was first brought up through PEOPLE magazine, in an article about kids who were bullied to the point of death. Then came a blog written by one of my favorite new bloggers, Single Dad Laughing. If you have some time to check out what he has to say, it's time well spent.

And then, never in a million years did I expect the next thing that happened. Those of you who have access to my facebook account, may have seen my status update that read:

"So, i just received a fb message from a childhood schoolmate that was a bit mean spirited..He said he was surprised anyone married me because I used to be ugly! Really?! What a jerk. Once a bully, always a bully."

How could it be? Why now? Why me? It surely doesn't hurt my feeling the same way it would have back when I was 9, but it still makes me wonder, what on earth would make someone our age take time out of their day to contact someone just to throw proverbial dog poo on my doorstep and run away? I have a husband and family and friends who think I am beautiful. Sure, I am no Megan Fox, but I am the best that I can be, and I won't ever understand why this douche felt the need to remind me of what a bully he used to be to me.

{Apparently I was ugly....A dork? Yes. Ugly? No}

As I opened his message, I actually thought to myself, he's probably writing to apologize..maybe it's part of a 12 step recovery.. Was I ever wrong. haha. I received a million responses from friends and family that confirmed the fact that I am loved, and that what he did was uncalled for. Some suggested he may have liked me..I can almost 100% guarantee he didn't. He would taunt me in gradeschool by singing "rollie, pollie, fat and ugly." You don't say that to a girl you like, ever.

But what got me thinking more about bullying, and just how lucky I am to be who I am, and to look the way I do today, was a conversation I had with an older gentleman who came into our office and was obviously afflicted with some sort of birthmark/defect which covered 1/2 of his face. We got to talking about it, and I learned that his condition was actually a hemangioma which he was born with, and had undergone multiple laser treatments and surgeries to reconstruct the deformities it left him with.

{Me & My Big Lip 1979)

At that moment, I felt even luckier to be who I am, and look the way I do today.

Why? Because I was born with a hemangioma which continued to grow on my lower lip. My mother searched high and low and advocated for a plastic surgeon to treat it before I entered gradeschool, for the simple fact that she did not want me to be ridiculed or bullied. Most surgeons told her to wait it out---and that it was a risk to try and remove it because it was intertwined in the muscle of my lip..One slip-up by the surgeon and I could potentially have a lip that hung for the resk of my life.

I asked the gentelman what it was like to grow up with a hemangioma of his magntitude, and he told me he learned how to be tough real quick. He added that he thought it would be much harder for a female to have his condition, than himself. He was terrified his daughters would be born the same, but he hit the jackpot in the fact that neither of his daughters were born with one.

He was bullied, taunted and stared at his entire life. He then became a high school teacher and coach. He said the first day of classes each year were the toughest because of the stares. Even as an adult, he has people covering their kids mouths when the kid asks him what's wrong with his face. This man will never know what it's like to wear the shoes of a person who can go into any situation for the first time, and not cause mouths to drop, or eyes to avert. People rarely look him in the eye, yet my half hour conversation with him was the best one I had all day.

I don't have an answer for putting the brakes on bullying, but am interested to see how many of my readers were bullied, what they did about it, and what they think can be done to teach the kids today a little bit about acceptance. Please share.

PS..Mah, thank you for pushing to find a plastic surgeon that was willing to do the surgery. Imagine what the rollie pollie fat and ugly kid would have called me if we didn't have it removed.