Pregnant women.
They're everywhere. The mall, the gym, the beach, the bowling alley, and facebook. They have taken over my world, or at least it seems so with my radar.
I never gave it much thought before..I used to look at them and think forward to one day sportin' a bump just like them, and I could imagine all the excitement and anxiousness they must be feeling getting ready to bring baby home.
Now I look at them, and my eyes well up.
I see them now, and I think back to that anxiousness and excitement I got to experience for 6 months. It was awesome. I had a bump. I loved my bump, and now, I miss my bump.
{My mama, me and my bump}
Of course, this is all part of the"wanting what you do not have" phenomenon. Let's face it, most of us want something that we do not have..whether it to be skinny like our BFF, popular like the girl at work, or have more money like our friend Ms. Money-bags. I get it. I really do. But I wish I didn't want what I want so bad. No matter how much harder we try, how much more money we spend, or how good of people we are, we can't make anything happen. What I want is out of our control.
I can't help but wonder if getting pregnant is just something that happens to other people now?
I am starting to feel that way.
I can't help but wonder if getting pregnant is just something that happens to other people now?
I am starting to feel that way.
I'm praying that you will have another bump to love soon. :-(
ReplyDeleteLove, your mah
I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
Kerry
Still praying that you get to experience that again. And I pray that God will bless you with a very healthy baby.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I wish i could find the water that they are drinking. The water that allows the bumps, the water that allows pregnancies to make it to term, the water that lets you bring home a Living, Healthy, Happy Baby. But right now that water seems to elude me. Sending you hugs and prayers of comfort.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you said more than I wish I did. It's a tough road to be on.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
ReplyDeleteI used to look at pregnant women and say Awwww, how sweet. Then I would dream of the day that I would share that role and experience such biss.
NOW....
It has all changed. I am officially a BLM, and always will be. I'll never be a Mommy to a 1st baby on this earth, although the vast majority of people will see me as such. BUT, I know differently. And it hurts.
I join you in the wonder of "will it ever happen for me?" I do have HOPE, but it has faded over time. However, I refuse to throw in the towel and I promise to never desert you Brie :) We are going to be faithful in this journey and walk until we realize success. And I will continue to pray for guidance and patience along the way.
Sending you love and prayers always...I'm here for you.
xxx
I meant bliss...
ReplyDeleteI know this feeling so well. :( I was just telling my husband last night that I want to get pregnant again, at the very LEAST so I can see that I CAN get pregnant again. Because I feel so broken..
ReplyDeleteHi Brie. This is Audrey (from D's and Ana's board). I found your blog by googling your name as we haven't kept in touch in so long and I was wondering how you and Nick were doing. I hope you don't mind me following your blog and posting comments.
ReplyDeleteAnd do I know sooooo much what you mean about looking at other pregnant women and wishing so much you were in their shoes. For so many people, being pregnant is such a given (or at least relatively easy to achieve), yet it seems like an impossible reality when you are faced with so many months of trying with no success.
And not only did I see pregnant women everywhere, but all our friends, my husband's cousins, family... kept having babies during all those months we were unsuccessfully trying to conceive. And while I was very happy for them, it kept reminding me of what I didn't have and I couldn't help but feel envious and sad at the same time for us. And then of course I felt guilty for feeling that way.
I see that you started going to an RE. I am sending big hugs and positive thoughts your way that you get to have a bump again.
Audrey, Hello old friend! Are you and R. still in the bay area? Do you have an email address?
ReplyDeleteYes, still in the Bay Area. We moved out of SF at the end of last year, but we are not that far from where we lived (we are about an hour from SF). Plus now we have a house (first time we bought a house... I love it!).
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you can e-mail me at asegaud@gmail.com . I would love to catch up!
I tend to stare at pregnant women just wishing my body would give me that healthy happy pregnancy. I want to enjoy a pregnancy and experience the excitement I did before l lost Vincent
ReplyDeleteand gosh was Lou's pregnancy so not fun (he's great - just not the horridly anxious time of pregnancy.