I'm a quiet person. I keep to myself.
This may sometimes be misread as me being uninterested in friendship, or even worse, bitchy or stuck up, but I promise, I am neither. Just quiet.
I've had this knack for attracting friends who are outspoken, whether their speak be fact or fiction. I thought for a while these people "balanced" me out, but in reality I was wrong. People who spoke for me or tried to tell me they knew better, were toxic to my life.
Since cutting ties with a few people in my life I have heard everything from "her husband made her do it", to " She's just jealous I have X and she does not".
These statements are so far from the truth..The reality of it is, I finally grew some cahones and decided what I need out of a friendship, and the people who didn't fit the bill were weeded out.
A true friend doesn't make you feel bad about yourself, or criticize every decision you make. They may speak up once in awhile, but they certainly don't bring you down. They don't have to insist what a good friend they are, and all the things they have done for you like it's a game we're keeping score at.
I just came to the realization one day that it was MY choice who to associate with, and no one else's...if someone is constantly dragging me down with negativity, I don't have to associate with them. I am how I am, they are how they are, and unfortunately, I am not willing to put forth effort to maintain a toxic relationship.
What irks me to no end, is how some people thrive on gossip, and hearsay, and rumors, and it's just not my style. I've kept to myself and weathered out some rumors and some gossip, and I am sure some people are wondering WTF happened, but it's nothing big really....I just decided that I need positive people in my life who don't constantly question every single move I make in this thing called life and the pursuit of happiness with my family. If I lose friends over decisions I make, and gossip about those decisions, then I guess they weren't really friends for the long haul anyway.
My garden now grows pretty again.
Good for you!!!! Soooo many of us have those one or two people that we don't really even know why we are friends with anymore! I know a certain someone who basically bullies/guilts people to spend time with her, and I always fall into her trap. It is so unhealthy and toxic, yet I don't have the strength to sever all ties. (Sigh)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you are so right to take care of yourself and your family... and if the person or people who you are taking a step back from want to talk badly about you for doing so, all they will be doing is showing you that made the absolute right decision.
Hang in there, keep that beautiful head up and take care of YOU!!!
Hugs and positive thoughts for you and Nick always!
I second that "good for you!". I have been there and honestly, I remember exhaling a bit after realizing my association with certain people/family was not helping but hindering me. It is a difficult thing to do, but such a good thing for you. Being able to stop, step back, and really see how people treat one another can be surprising and revealing.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with you...most of 'those' people will never take blame or see that what they say or how they act is negative...they will find a way to explain it away. And throw a couple of people in that mix, and BAM ~ trash talk and blame and lots of UGLY. So, not getting sucked into that garbage is a healthy thing too.
But it does really suck, to be viewed as something other than you are. To be judged or shallowly perceived is hard. Especially when you have lived through grief and pain. When you want to be private and in your safe place and no one 'gets it.' I am sorry that you are going through all this and I hope that you are surrounded by 'good friends' that make all the bad go away.
Such a weight off your shoulders isn't it? Good for you, that certainly takes guts.
ReplyDeleteCutting ties with those kinds of people and removing that toxicity is sometimes the best thing you can do! Do for you! And good for you for taking this step and removing those "weeds"!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister. I am a HUGE fan of cutting those out who just cut you down, criticize, judge... basically anyone who is not improving my life with their presence. Its just not worth keeping people around, regardless of time invested, who don't make you happy and bring you joy and peace.
ReplyDeleteSis
ReplyDeleteyou know I had to do this just a few days ago and although it was hard.. I actually feel like a weight has lifted. The toxic friendship with "her" was wearing on me..and not a true friendship at all.
Love you!
Good for you;o) I've just recently learned this lesson myself. Sending you hugs and love.
ReplyDeleteMy therapist friend calls this "taking out the trash"! And I am glad you have rid your life of those who do not provide value :) Kudo's to you for avoiding the gossip, as I always found those who gossip to be very unattractive.
ReplyDeleteHUGS