Feelings of anxiousness are filling my body.
It's not anxiety over giving birth, or making the two hour drive to the hospital, but about Sal.
I've never been away from him for more than a few hours. Ever.
We have arranged to fly my sister out from California to stay for two weeks, which will coincide with my planned induction date and recovery. I trust her 100% in taking care of Sal, and giving him her full attention. But I can't let go of the sad feelings I am already have when I think about leaving him for a few days. I worry he won't nap for her. I worry he will have trouble going down for bedtime. I worry he we call out my name with that heartbreaking sob of his and not be consolable. I worry he will feel abandoned.
I've had offers from friends here to "practice" leaving him, but somewhere along the way, my mind has been stuck in the mindset that I should be with him at all times. Sure, I've had daydreams of getting away, and I have gone out on my own a few times (but Nick is usually home, or my friend Heather watches him), but it is usually because I really need to go on an errand or something...not just because. And we're talking an hour. Not all day. Not overnight. An hour or two, max.
The rational side of me knows he will be okay. He's in the best hands (besides ours) that we could think of. He will get to stay in his own home, sleep in his own bed, and have his auntie all to himself. He looooves his aunt Stephanie. I know my sister will have invitations to join my friends for coffee, playground visits, and produce market walks. I know she will keep him busy and love on him.
It's just a couple of days. Not forever.
That being said, I still can't shake this feeling of anxiety over leaving my little man.