When NZ got home from his first full day back at work on Monday, I got a warm feeling in my heart, as Sal and I welcomed him home, and hung out with him in our bedroom while he changed out of his work clothes.
That feeling..that situation...that moment...was something I have looked forward to for so many years...and it feels so undescribably good. It's hard to put into words, without sounding sappy or la-la- fairy-tale-ish. It's the simple things that mean so much to me these days. Sure, I'm post-partum and hormonal, and watching re-runs of Grey's is simply and invitation for waterworks no matter what's happening on the show, but I am so content and happy to have reached this milestone.
I've felt, and baby loss parents can correct me if I'm alone on this, like I have lacked purpose, and although I never lost my sense of direction, I felt like I lived each day in someone elses shoes, just waiting, hoping that someday I would get to where I wanted to be. I had so many dreams of what having a family would be, and what it would mean to NZ and I to finally welcome home a child...and I made it. I'm HERE.
Here, for me, is the now, the present, the living for my family and my baby. I'm sure it sounds a little silly, coming from a woman who quit a full time job to be a stay at home mom, but being a mom...a stay at home mom...has been something I have looked forward to since childhood. I kid you not. Certainly, there was no way of knowing if my future husband and I would have to means for me this happen, nor did I know if my future husband would be supportive of living on one income, and having a wife that wanted to stay home--but I found him, and I am really really thankful and appreciative of the long hours he puts in working so that he can provide us with this opportunity to have a parent present 100% of the time. It's something that we both feel strongly about--and I am just so glad that we're able to do so.
Thanks to Sal and my husband, I have found purpose again..and it feels oh.so.wonderful.
This is a beautiful post. There isn't anything better than staying at home. So happy for your n
ReplyDeleteBlessings!!!
such a sweet post. so much happiness. savor this time.
ReplyDeleteI dont think its silly at all. Everyone has dreams, not all are the same, but the feeling you get when yours come true is universal. I thought your post was beautiful, heart-felt and something I can truly relate to. There are other things I COULD be doing, but nothing seems to match or beat being a mom 100%. The world needs more loving parents, I'm glad you are living your dream!
ReplyDeleteI wish you a lifetime of dreams come true, Vernie Bradway
I. LOVE. this. post. Absolutely, beautifully written!
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