When NZ got home from his first full day back at work on Monday, I got a warm feeling in my heart, as Sal and I welcomed him home, and hung out with him in our bedroom while he changed out of his work clothes.
That feeling..that situation...that moment...was something I have looked forward to for so many years...and it feels so undescribably good. It's hard to put into words, without sounding sappy or la-la- fairy-tale-ish. It's the simple things that mean so much to me these days. Sure, I'm post-partum and hormonal, and watching re-runs of Grey's is simply and invitation for waterworks no matter what's happening on the show, but I am so content and happy to have reached this milestone.
I've felt, and baby loss parents can correct me if I'm alone on this, like I have lacked purpose, and although I never lost my sense of direction, I felt like I lived each day in someone elses shoes, just waiting, hoping that someday I would get to where I wanted to be. I had so many dreams of what having a family would be, and what it would mean to NZ and I to finally welcome home a child...and I made it. I'm HERE.
Here, for me, is the now, the present, the living for my family and my baby. I'm sure it sounds a little silly, coming from a woman who quit a full time job to be a stay at home mom, but being a mom...a stay at home mom...has been something I have looked forward to since childhood. I kid you not. Certainly, there was no way of knowing if my future husband and I would have to means for me this happen, nor did I know if my future husband would be supportive of living on one income, and having a wife that wanted to stay home--but I found him, and I am really really thankful and appreciative of the long hours he puts in working so that he can provide us with this opportunity to have a parent present 100% of the time. It's something that we both feel strongly about--and I am just so glad that we're able to do so.
Thanks to Sal and my husband, I have found purpose again..and it feels oh.so.wonderful.