I've been back at work since 10 days postpartum...some half days in there, and some days off, but all in all, I got back into the office fairly soon, if I do say so myself. Better to stay busy than to sit and wallow.
One of my fears in going back to work was how I would answer The Questions.
I laid awake at night, thinking of just how to word my answers, as to make people feel less like an a$$ for asking a seemingly harmless question. And really, there is no way around it. No one expects to hear the answer that comes out of my mouth, and once they do...they are at a loss for words.
It's a real conversation stopper.
Some people just look at me and my non-pregnant belly, and say nothing because theyfigured it out for themselves. I had the UPS man say, " Hey, Not much longer..look at that belly" and I bet he felt like the biggest a$$ when I replied that I was no longer expecting...and even more so when he asked how she was doing....Others stare a bit and then give me this questioning look, like, "Hey, I thought you were......"
Me: "Pregnant?" "Yeah, I was. She didn't make it."
I knew that I would have to deal with The Questions at some point, especially since my work involves seeing an average of 30-40 faces per day. I've received so much support from friends, family, patients etc., but I really wish I could erase it all and still be a beaming expectant mother, proudly flaunting the ever growing belly.
I can't hide that I was pregnant, and I really don't want to hide it. I don't mind talking about it..But I have come to learn that there is no easy way to put it out there. I just wish people wouldn't feel bad for asking what happened.
What's done is done, it sucks, it's not fair but don't feel bad for us..
Although NZ are still dealing with our loss we know that when you really want something, you'll go to any measure and fight a good fight to get it.
Which is just what we plan on doing.
Until then, I will be the queen of conversation stoppers.