Wednesday, January 1, 2014

It could happen

I'm one of those who worry about "every case scenario"--not just worst or best, but ALL. 

This keeps my mind in overdrive.

No wonder I have had pregnancy insomnia the last few weeks.

I know this too shall pass, and more than likely, everything is going to work out just the way it is supposed to. The baby will come one way or another.

But I can't help but obsess over when, where and how.

I had it in my mind that we would know our induction date by now. All of my appointments leading up to last week lead me to believe (and my husband will remind me that no one promised us anything) that we would deliver at 38 weeks, which is when we delivered Salvatore. We had discussed induction with my OB, who has agreed that "if" the girl is measuring big enough, we could go ahead with it. 

There are a few reasons I would like induction, rather than going into labor without intervention. 

1. My history of uterine reconstruction puts me at a slightly higher (very slight) risk of uterine rupture.
2. We live 1.5-2.5 hours from the international hospital, traffic willing. 
3. The local woman's and maternal hospital scares me shitless. I'd almost prefer my bathroom floor.
4. Delivering Sal at 38 weeks, weighing 7lb7oz, he was almost a c-section. If our little girl is a bruiser, I won't be pushing her out on my own if she is any bigger than that. 

So, yeah. Those are my reasons.

Anyways, last week, my OB apologetically informed me that the training she was supposed to attend in the USA at the END of January had been pushed up, and she would in fact be leaving the week we had discussed inducing. After months of her being my sole care provider, she would not be able to deliver our daughter for us. Of course I was sad that she won't be there to bring our baby into the world (she really is a wonderfully sweet and caring Doctor), but I was actually pissed off that it also meant we wouldn't be inducing right at 38 weeks as we did with Sal. 

This isn't her fault, it's mine. I had made it up in my mind that it would happen at 38 weeks exactly, and I was being told it wasn't going to happen. 

Cue the pouting. (Yes, I'm 36 years old and still get my panties in a bunch. Sue me)

The good news is that she is passing her cases on to the Chief Medical Director of the hospital, who is a boarded American OB and pediatrician. I will be in good hands. I will be able to understand him without decoding any accent or simplifying my English to ask a question. 

We are acheduled to meet with him next Monday, along with my current OB before she leaves for America. Perhaps he will agree to induce--I hope. Maybe even next week as I had wanted. 

Or not.

He could say that the baby isn't ready, or that he doesn't think my reasons for induction are valid. He could tell us that I must go into labor naturally. 

What's this mean for us, living so far away?

This means that I would need to find a hotel near the hospital to stay in from next week until the girl debuts. This is not only costly, but also difficult with a toddler in tow. Ever tried staying in a close quarters hotel room with a toddler? Naps don't happen, and bedtime is whenever the kid goes to sleep, because one can't watch tv and expect the toddler to just lay down and crash (at least not my kid). This also means dining out for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Again. The cost adds up. My sister flies in on Sunday, so conceivably, she could stay with us in the hotel, and NZ could stay back in Wuxi to work until labor starts. 

See, I wasn't kidding when I said my mind is in overdrive.

And to take it a step further, what if I go into labor this week, and we have to try and travel during rush hour and are stuck halfway between Wuxi and Shanghai and this baby decides she wants to be born in the backseat of a Buick Regal? 

I've boned up on my "emergency childbirth 101" from the Internet so that I can instruct my lucky co-pilot what to do Towels.We need towels. Lots of towels. Hand sanitizer to sterilize the deliver-er's hands, and whatever happens...don't pull on the baby or clamp the cord. I can't believe I looked that stuff up, but its a scenario that could happen.


My mom delivered me at home, unplanned and by herself in the bathroom, three weeks early, at 2:00a.m. How she didn't know she was in labor (after experiencing labor myself) is a mystery to me. I often joke that she must have been on drugs, because it's so different from my previous birth experiences. My mother is superwoman. I'm convinced.

 Obviously, I turned I okay, but we don't have stuff like dependable ambulances and emergent care here like we do in the states. I am terrified that NZ and I will be stuck on the side of a dirty Chinese expressway, with our driver watching on as he delivers our daughter. It could happen.


Or, best case scenario, we see the new OB on Monday and he agrees to induce me next week which would work great because my sister will be here to stay with Sal in our own home, while NZ and I safely travel to Shanghai to go through labor and delivery in a sterile environment and meet our daughter. It could happen.

And probably will.

But still. The scenarios play through my head over and over and over. 

Anything can happen.


  1. Anything could happen. That's sort of what is going to make me looney these last 25 days for us. We ARE in the States and WE DO live only 3.5 miles from the sterile hospital.

    But I've been on the odds of things not working out before despite every interest and plan in place. And it scares me.

    I am sure hoping (and truly believe) that next week is your week. I will be on pins and needles with you and hope to see that beautiful girl in your arms soon.

  2. Girl, it's a wonder you get any rest at all! But, I can relate. I worry about every possibility too. I do really well at disguising it to the outside world, but I'm a huge ball of nerves and anxiety because of worry ALL. THE. TIME. Even now that Evyn is here, I worry about everything that may happen now that she's here. I've always been this way though.