Monday, May 20, 2013

She's FOUR

On Saturday, our daughter would have been four.

Four years! Where does time go? Some days it feels like just yesterday that I was calling my husband on my way to the hospital uttering the words "she's dead. She died" and wondering how on earth life would go on. 

Four years later, life has been going on.

I am so grateful for the time that has passed. Most days are great days, filled with happiness and loving my life as a mom to Sal. There are some situations and comments that still take me back to the darker days of grief, but I seem to bounce back from those moments much faster. Instead of tear filled days, I give myself "moments".

This year, we were a day late in "celebrating" her memory, and NZ wasn't able to partake in the release, but Sal and I found a beautiful grassy park to send two balloons off to Heaven for Denise. We went to the party store and I let Sal pick out a balloon (he chose green with stars). 

He's too young to know what we are doing, but I think this is a good tradition for our family on her birthday. I picked out another balloon, and to my surprise the clerk told us the balloons were free because Sal was so stinking cute. I so wanted to tell the guy what they were for, but instead got teary eyed and extra thankful as we headed out the door to find a special place to release them. 

Someday, Sal will have questions, and we will answer them as they come. The loss of Denise has shaped us as parents, right down to our decision making, our vigilance for safety and gratitude for each day with a child here on earth. We want Sal to know just how much of a miracle he is for our family.

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