He finally sleeps!!!!!
We're not quite at sleeping through the night status, but we have finally reached a fairly normal afternoon nap schedule and length as well as a more predictable nighttime sleep pattern!
You don't know how relieved I am.
I'm going to be totally candid here, because I know there are other moms that read my blog, and they may find themselves where I was at mid December. Here's the deal. After two months straight of not sleeping more than two hour stretches, I experienced feelings of despair, and resentment crept in over the lack of sleep. I struggled to feel the love for my youngest, non sleeping baby. He cried for what seemed like "all the time", and together we were one miserable pair. I knew this wasn't normal. This wasn't "me".
I sought help.
I got help.
A diagnosis of sleep deprivation and late onset post partum depression caused us to re-evaluate how we were dividing up the duties of nighttime feedings, so that I could attempt to refuel my tank and get back to feeling like myself. For the record, NZ has always offered to get up and take on feedings, but Gino was primarily breastfed, and it just made sense to me to take on feedings since NZ works outside the home and needs a functioning brain for his line of work.
We alternated getting up with Gino for feedings, and after a few nights of Nick taking on the first feeding and providing G with a bottle of formula, he was sleeping a 4-6 hour stretch. I'd wake up for the next feeding and breastfeed, and lo and behold, Gino would be awake again within an hour and a half. It was frustrating. About this time, I had taken Gino to the pediatrician for something unrelated and we found out he had dropped from 50% in weight to 5 % in weight for his age. His last visit was in September, just before his sleep issues began...I had an aha moment and realized my supply must've dropped when I started working out regularly in September.
Desperate for sleep and happiness (and a healthy baby), I called it quits on breastfeeding.
I waited to post this in case it was a fluke, but we've now had a month of only 1-2 wakings per night which still isn't sleeping through the night, but it's a hell of a lot better than where we were at the previous three months. I am one relieved and happy mama again. Gino is happier, cries less, and even sprouted two new teeth unbeknownst to us this last week.
So, word to the wise. Do what you have to do to stay sane during these early years. There's no shame in seeking help. Have no shame in waving your flag and calling in reinforcements. Do it for your kids. Do it for yourself.
You'll see the light again, and boy is is bright and beautiful.
Glad you got help. No shame at all. It's sort of a survival thing (for both of you) and I'm hoping you're on the train of full night sleep very soon. Just think, it should happen eventually that they all just freaking sleep, right?
ReplyDeleteHe's so cute. That first picture had me wondering (for a millisecond) if I shouldn't have just tried for another. Hahaha. But I love your family and so glad I can watch your fourth here growing rapidly. Dude, nearing a YEAR. I don't even know how that happened.
Good for you, Brie. Proud of you.
Definitely good for you, and I'm always grateful for moms who post the whole truth of their experiences! I put way too much importance on breastfeeding, and let it mess with our whole family for far too long, even when I, too, had a husband more than willing to help out and struggled with supply issues. Well played asking for help and taking action to get things back on track for you all.
ReplyDeleteWe don't plan on more kids, but if we did, we'd be doing it differently next time, with lots more flexibility built in to our feeding routines.