Monday, March 31, 2014

When?

The other night, I took a picture of my kids.

They weren't in coordinated outfits, or made to pose...in fact, Sal was sporting his obnoxiously Mickey pjs that auntie steph sent and steamrolling his sister just seconds before this sweet shot was taken.

                

Each time I look at this picture, I think back to the time in my life when it was filled with uncertainty. My days, hours and minutes consumed with the thoughts of parenthood--more specifically--wondering if we would ever be parents? If so, then when?

I think back to the many tears shed. The juggling of full time employment and fertility doctor visits. The stockpile of dollar tree pregnancy tests purchased each month in hopes that maybe, just maybe I had tested too soon. The pit in my stomach each time a friend posted pictures of their newborn babies on facebook, or announced a pregnancy. I think back to avoiding baby showers and mom friends because I couldn't handle conversations about child rearing. 

I was consumed by the thoughts and desire to be a mother. I was nursing a broken heart from the loss of Denise. I was questioning if she was all we would know of parenthood.

I doubt I'll ever forget the road that we've travelled to get to this point. It's made us the people that we are today. I want my children to know how wanted they are and always have been. They represent a love that I wasn't sure I'd ever experience, and one that I will never take for granted.


2 comments:

  1. Totally beautiful. The picture and post. And so honest. I understand every word.

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  2. Your children will never doubt how much they are loved.

    ReplyDelete