Today is one of those days...
..the kind of day where I wish I could stay in bed, covers pulled up, and just lie there for hours.
In the past week, I have felt mixed emotions. Some days I feel content and actually excited about the decision we have made, and others I feel like another door has closed, and there are only a few more open in terms of bringing a baby home.
You know that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"?? I want to know...where is our open door??
A year ago, having the surgery to correct my septate uterus, I never expected to have been faced with the decisions we have over the past year. I'm glad that we decided to do what we did, but at the same time, it didn't work. Nothing has worked yet.
I'm tired of the rollercoaster of hope & grief, although the grief of another month gone is no longer a surprise. Now it's more like a day of woe-is-me and then it's onto preparing for the next month. I swear this infertility business is like a full-time job in it's own. Appointments, meds, schedules, protocols...all in hope that "this is the month"..and with each protocol that doesn't succeed, I have felt like one more door is closing on us.
I'd love to say with conviction that we will indefinitely get pregnant and stop sitting on the sidelines as baby after baby are born to friends, family and colleagues, but with the 0 to 3 track record, getting pregnant is only half the battle. I am glad we still have options, but at the same time it doesn't make sitting on the sidelines as another month...year...years go by any easier.
Call me impatient, but I would beg to differ...If trying for 3 years and having ZERO living children is being impatient, then patience is not a virtue of mine. I'm tired of doors closing.
..the kind of day where I wish I could stay in bed, covers pulled up, and just lie there for hours.
In the past week, I have felt mixed emotions. Some days I feel content and actually excited about the decision we have made, and others I feel like another door has closed, and there are only a few more open in terms of bringing a baby home.
You know that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"?? I want to know...where is our open door??
A year ago, having the surgery to correct my septate uterus, I never expected to have been faced with the decisions we have over the past year. I'm glad that we decided to do what we did, but at the same time, it didn't work. Nothing has worked yet.
I'm tired of the rollercoaster of hope & grief, although the grief of another month gone is no longer a surprise. Now it's more like a day of woe-is-me and then it's onto preparing for the next month. I swear this infertility business is like a full-time job in it's own. Appointments, meds, schedules, protocols...all in hope that "this is the month"..and with each protocol that doesn't succeed, I have felt like one more door is closing on us.
I'd love to say with conviction that we will indefinitely get pregnant and stop sitting on the sidelines as baby after baby are born to friends, family and colleagues, but with the 0 to 3 track record, getting pregnant is only half the battle. I am glad we still have options, but at the same time it doesn't make sitting on the sidelines as another month...year...years go by any easier.
Call me impatient, but I would beg to differ...If trying for 3 years and having ZERO living children is being impatient, then patience is not a virtue of mine. I'm tired of doors closing.
Thinking of you and hoping you find your open door!! **HUGS**
ReplyDelete~kerry
i feel the same way - after three years of trying, nothing to show for it but an urn full of my son's ashes. wishing you find your door.
ReplyDelete♥ you!
ReplyDelete:( I hope you find your open door soon...
ReplyDeleteI so feel you on this post brie. I hope that we both find our open doors soon. Sending you a BIG HUG!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are impatient at all... infertility is hands down the hardest/most stressful thing we have ever faced (R and I). It is easy for other people to say not to think about it/forget about it for a while, but when your daily life is marked by infertility appointments, daily injections, pains in the ovaries from the treatments..., it is impossible not to think about it. And the uncertainty of it all makes it even harder... I always told R "if we knew what our life would be in a year or 2 years from now, it would help, but not knowing is the worst". I am sending you huge hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteAlways keeping you in my prayers. I completely understand how you feel. For 2.5 years I sat on the sidelines in a fog of grief, pain and uncertainty. I was angry and bitter that it seemed so easy for everyone else and just wanted my turn. I begged God to show me my path, begged for my heart to not feel the bitterness and begged for our baby.
ReplyDeleteWe entered the fertility clinic and I have to say I was cautiously optimistic, but not convinced anything would work. However, my Dr. had different plans...he held my HOPE and I kept my FAITH.
Keep your FAITH Brie, its the one thing that we own and no one can take from us. And keep writing, let those feelings out. We're all here for you.
Sending you a bouquet of HUGS, lots of PRAYERS and forever knowing that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!
xxx
andrea