Sunday, September 14, 2014

Oh no,she didn't...oh yes, I did

Today is Monday.

That means its Starbucks day. A couple of years ago one of my fellow expats organized a group of ladies to walk to Starbucks almost every Monday. Since it's about 5k round trip, we called it 5k Monday so it sounded better than saying "Starbucks, again?". Anyways, attendance has died down, but there is still a small group of us that walk there on Mondays.

Our old Starbucks is under construction as of late, so we've been meeting at the new one. I love the new one, mainly because it has a western bathroom inside. The old one had a public restroom located nearby that only had western toilets. This was fine, but there wasn't  any changing areas for babies. So, I often took my kids to a corner of the old store, laid my disposable mat down and got them changed as fast as possible. 

Sal has this innate knack for pooping I've heard coffee has that effect, but I think that it's more a function of having a diaper on than anything else. Yet, he doesn't poop anywhere else when we are out.

Only Starbucks.

With no useable changing areas.

So, when this new Starbucks opened, I was excited. They have a toilet Sal can use.  We take him out without diapers now, even in the car. I do admit to throwing them on him when we are going to be out for a long while, and today was one of those days. So, my two diapered kids and I arrive to the new Starbucks and within minutes, he's disappeared from our table, and I spy him lingering behind a twenty something guy wearing headphones. He's looking over his shoulder at whatever was on the guy's phone.

And then the facial expressions started.

And then a couple grunts and red cheeks.

Followed by "yeave me ah-yone. I'm poopin!" 

He totally dusted that poor guy.

So, I grabbed my changing pad, wipes and diapers and handed Carla off to my friend. We headed towards the new clean bathroom only to find a "sorry. Toilet not working" sign and a barista telling me I could go outside to change him.

What the whaaaa?

Whatever. We're in China. C'mon Sal. Let's put on a show. 

And guess what I did?

Right outside Starbucks doors, on the pavement, I laid my kid down on a chintzy changing mat, opened a poopy diaper and cleaned him up while people passed by. A few gawkers got the stink eye from me but most people just walked by like it "ain't no thang". 

Crazy, right?

It totally goes down in history as the craziest place I've changed my kid. 

Gets better though.

We head back in Starbucks and wouldn't you know...he poops again.

Seriously, kid?!

I grabbed my stuff and tried to laugh it off as we headed out to do a public change again, but this time the barista followed me out and kept pointing ahead and telling me erlo, meaning second floor. She walked me to nearby Pizza Hut and yelled in the door at the waitress who took me to the second floor where there was a bathroom. 

Again, only squatties. 

The waitress returned downstairs as I decided how to tackle poop diaper 2.0 and after some back and forth with myself, I decided that the bathroom wouldn't do. I looked at the floor and just pictured Pee water being mopped around. I'd rather change him outside on the pavement. As we were heading back downstairs, poop filled diaper and all, I saw that there were seating areas upstairs. No one was there, so I stripped him down and changed him in a booth on the bench. If this were America I would have had a shit fit if I saw anyone do this. Seriously, I'd be alerting management and trying to get that person 86'd from Pizza Hut for the rest of their days. 

As I walked out of Pizza Hut after disrespecting their booth with the stench of kid poop, I laughed to myself. Am I really the same girl who would b-line home from Target when my kid pooped so that I wouldn't have to use a public changing area? The thought of using a public changing booth disgusted me.....

Oh China, look how far I've come. 

1 comment:

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