Redemption

I'm not sure if it was just me being extra tired from being sick this week, or what, but this morning was a tough one. Maybe I just wasn't up on my game, but by 9:00 am, I had already had to clean up two puddles of pee and the items that were hit by the pee floods ( thank goodness our floors are tile and hardwood-makes cleaning easier) by a child who rarely has accidents like that anymore. This was met with a toddler pulling my pant leg asking for more "Duce" and when I told him that I wasn't serving any more juice because he had obviously had to much to drink this morning (causing pee floods), he lost it on me. 

Once the "Duce" tantrum ended, he found some crispy onion crackers and already being frustrated, I agreed-- afterall, it wasn't juice, so that was a win win for both of us.  I turned on a cartoon for him (I needed to get a cake frosted), and he went to the living room with his bag of crackers. Next thing I know, the bag has been dumped upside down and there are crushed crackers all over my rug. Followed by another pee flood. ON.TOP.Of.THE.CRACKERS. Of which were then stomped until they were mush in my rug.

Are you kidding me, child?! 

After cleaning it up and dousing the carpet with my vinegar/alcohol/dish soap concoction, I conceded. 

My surrender flag was a'wavin.

We both needed out of the apartment. We have been in all but one day this week due to my terrible cold and unhealthy pollution levels. We loaded up and went to the playground, and then on to the promenade in front of our complex so he could ride one of those electric rides. 

We returned home for lunch, of which he requested meat-uh-balls (he says it like an Italiano) and naw-chos. I rounded it out with a side of Greek salad and a sippy of milk. As I was getting his room ready for naptime, I hear an uh oh from the dining room. He had pulled his lid off and poured milk all over the meat-uh balls and naw-chos. 

Are you kidding me, child?!

This behavior deemed lunchtime OVER, and in his credit, he did help me clean up. He is a good helper, this kid..but he also knows how to make a catastrophic mess. Anyways, naptime usually goes off without much of a hitch. Occasionally he will talk for a half hour or so, or throw his blanket out and call til someone gets it for him, and once in a blue moon he will refuse a nap.

The moon must be blue today.

For over an hour he refused to nap. Alternating cries of mama with the sounds of a crib being pushed away from the wall, and the sound of tiny feet kicking the ends of his crib (IKEA sundvik cribs have a solid headboard and footboard that make the worst sounds when kids kick them), he went on for an HOUR. Frustrated, I peeked in after letting him carry on for that long only to see his crib in the middle of the room, his rug scrunched up and all of his bedding thrown on the floor. This kid has skills, yo!

I remade his crib, picked him up (after a really deep "keep-your-shit-together-mama" breath) and started holding him like a baby. He's already like half my height, so this wasn't an easy task. I put him up over my shoulder after a few minutes and sang a couple songs to him. As I finished out the last verse of "you are my sunshine", I felt him surrender. 

He was lights out within minutes of being rocked.

I stood there in his room, hugging him tightly before putting him in his crib, and my eyes welled up with tears. The realization that this young, independent, spirited little boy who had run me ragged this morning is still just a baby. Often times I feel like I can't wait for the next milestone to be reached, but standing there in his room this afternoon, just giving him love and rocking him made me want time to stand still. 

Our naptime snuggle was just the redemption I needed after a morning like today.

I don't know you

Ahhh, life in China.

It's getting the best of me this week.

More specifically, the culture is getting the best of me.

You see, there's this thing called guanxi.

Guanxi is the way of life over here. The definition is a bit convoluted, but a Cliff's note version is something like this " Guanxi refers to a network of social connections. From these relationships, favors are given, then reciprocated." This sounds good and all, if it's the "I'll pat your back, you pat mine.", but when it comes down to this, as a foreigner, I feel like we get screwed.

Basically, if I don't know you, and you don't know me, we don't owe one another anything. This is evident in the way Chinese use the checkout line at the market, the way they drive with no regard for anyone but their own car and destination, and how many do business. At the market, I often stand in line as we do in the states. Imagine my surprise the first time an old lady cut in front of me! I thought to myself, "how rude. Didn't she see me there?" The answer is yes. She saw me. But she doesn't know me. So she serves her needs first. She saw an opening in line and she took it. Each person for his/herself. Screw the laowai (me) that she doesn't know, and won't do her any favors.

So, yeah-it's crazy living here, not knowing enough of the language to establish better relationships with some locals. I usually patronize the same fruit lady week after week. Well, last week, as Sal and I are walking home from the market, I realize that she had just charged me the equivalent of $10 for what I considered to be $3-4 worth of fruit. I was livid. She took advantage of me. I got home and showed my ayi, and she agreed, I had purchased $3-4 worth ( I didn't tell my ayi how much I paid, as I had just spent a little less than a third of her weekly salary on fruit!). So much for guanxi with the fruit lady. She gouged us big time. The next time I went to the fruit market, I patronized her neighbor. You can bet she saw me, and in turn, yesterday when I went, she gave me a better price on my fruit to try and "keep good guanxi" with me.

My frustration has continued into today, as I sat and waited for a repair man for my washer/dryer machine. I was told yesterday he would come within 24 hours. This morning, I was told he would be here around lunch. He arrived at 10:30. I translated the error code to him (my dryer needs a new heating element) and showed him that the drying component of the machine doesn't get hot. I shit you not, five minutes later, he is trudging through the apartment to find me, toolbox in hand. I called my husbands assistant for translation, and he told her that he had finished his job.

No effin way.

There was no way it was fixed. I told him (with the translators help) I wasn't going to pay him until I had a chance to do a load of laundry (which, btw-takes four hours to wash and dry for anyone who cares). I said he would have to come back to get paid. He and the translator had a heated argument over the phone, to which I was told to pay him now and he would write on my fapiao (receipt) that he would come back free of charge if not fixed.

Reluctantly, I forked over all 30rmb ($5).

He scribbled in mandarin on the fapiao and left.

I threw a load in, and two hours later went to check on the process only to see the error code flashing, and my machine full of wet clothes.

And I know I have gotten off track but stick with me here- this all goes back to guanxi too. He doesn't know me, so why should he care about fixing my machine (other than its his JOB)? Besides, if he fixes it, then we won't need his service anymore and he might not have customers. It seems so ass backwards to me. He wants job security, so he DOESN'T fix it so that I have to call him back and pay again?

Yeah---NO. I don't think so.

So, this my friends, is my experience with being a laowai in China, with very little conversational Mandarin, and absolutely no guanxi with the locals.

Frustrating at best, but a learning experience all the same.

My inner Eeyore

As an earlier post of mine mentioned, I have been blog-stalking NieNies dialogue's for the past few nights, and am almost caught up to the present...and the discovery of this blog could not have been timed any better.

This week, simply put, has been a woe-is-me week.

Woe-is-me that I'm not a teacher with a summer vacation to spend chasing my kids around..God I long for those days...and it was my plan, long ago..to become a teacher and a mom, but a turn of events in my early twenties put a hold pattern on my plans to become an elementary school teacher. I did teach pre-k for 3 years, nannied for 2, and abso-freaking-lutely adored those years. I got to be creative, have some fun, and laugh A-lot...Someday, I will be able to enjoy summers again, with my own children (there's some positve thinking), and maybe even meet up with their dad for lunch at the park..But for now, hubby and I slave away at the office, hoping that those days we look forward to become a reality.

Woe-is-me that I'm STILL not pregnant.

Woe-is-me that I have a wedding to attend this Sunday, and no one willing to do hair and make-up, so therefore, I will attempt to do my own while watching a youtube tutorial on "smokey-eyes" through my computer screen..pretty sure I am going to look my my nemesis, the raccoon..but, I have to try..because hell, no one else is going to do it for me.

My hair, well, let's just hope for a good hair day, and patience in myself for doing a complete blow-out..on.my.own. I usually get lazy half way through and end up with the front looking like a party, and the back looking like I touched a light socket. But hey, I love the new color..so that's a plus.

I have a few other woe-is-me's, which include not having my sunshine to kiss me goodnight ( I really love his kisses), or to talk-his ear off during supper, or to debate whether or not we feel like going to the gym for a workout vs. grabbing some Taco Bell and watching 30Rock ( gasp! Yes we eat T-Bell). He was in Spain this week. He was home last week. He was in France the week before..and the week before that, he was throwing a bachelor party for his little brother, and the week before that, I was gone at the coordinating bachelorette party..So uhm, yeah, I sorta miss his face. Like , A lot.

Snivel, Snivel, Snivel.

And then...I read NieNie's Dialogues.

And I watched a clip of her appearance on Oprah, and an interview she has done with a lady who joined her for a tour of her home and daily life/struggles. And in the interview, the lady comes across a photograph of the Nielson family..A photo of the family BC ( before the crash), and OMG! they were the posterchild for Anthropologie ads..BEAUTIFUL. The lady starts to get teary eyed as she tells Stephanie ( NieNie) how beautiful she used to be..and asks if Nie Nie feels like that is a different person than who she is now..and Nie Nie takes a minute and points to her husband and her children in the photo, and tells the lady that she has everything she needs right there in that photo. The crash took away her looks, but it did not take away her family.. and hearing her say that puts it all in perspective.

And all at once, I felt bad about my woe-is-me week. The Nielson family has it all right and I am thankful for their blog for pointing it out to me..I need not reach any further than my own family and close friends, and I have everything a girl could need.