For the love of PB&J

Here's a snipet of the guest blog I did for my sister @ Sweetcreationsbystephanie.com...Check her blog out for the recipe to these delicious summertime cookies.

GB: A sister's perspective

A while back, my sister, Stephanie, at Sweetcreationsbystephanie.com asked me if I would like to guest blog about some of my sweet treats. I've entertained the idea for a few weeks, and have finally decided what I want to guest blog (GB) about...In exchange, I asked her to share an aunt's perspective on the loss of her niece, and her relationship with me over the past year. I thought this might help out the family members of other BL parents, since there doesn't seem to be a whole lot out there directed at family members who certainly feel the loss as well.

From Stephanie...

As an aunt, a sister, a sister in law .. this has been one of the most challenging years I've ever experienced in my 38 years. Thinking back to the beginning of 2009, there was so much happiness in our family. We were all so excited for Nick & Brie. After a loss in 2008, we felt 2009 was going to be the year that they would finally have their baby. Taking myself back to late April when we found out Baby Z was a healthy baby girl..I remember pure excitement & relief to hear she was healthy. I don't think I put the phone down before I was already ordering a custom onesie that said "My Auntie Steph thinks I'm the cutest baby ever". It was true, without even seeing her, I knew she would hold my heart forever. What I didn't know was she would keep a part of it...and make part of it lost forever. One year from her birth, I still wonder what could have been...5 years from now, I will still wonder... it's a piece of me...of our family that will always be a unknown.

Being an immediate family member has proven to be tough at times... I became a major part of my sister's support system. At first you don't have time to think about how you feel...it's all about them. At some point you stop, you realize what YOU have lost..a niece, a nephew.. a part of your family and you grieve. My sister and I are very close. She knows I never judge her, she knows I will always support her, we've been though a lot, especially over the last 15 years.. through it all, we will always be there for one another in good times & bad. I tend to be the mediator of the family, I want everyone to be happy and content. I had to realize that I could not fix this for anyone... all I could do was listen and all I could say is "I'm sorry".

Unless you've lost a child you can not say "I know what you are going through" or "You're young, you still have plenty of time"... it doesn't make the parent feel any better about their loss. The best thing to do is be there, don't be afraid to talk about the baby, listen to them and give them the support they need. Supporting the parents is the best thing you can do.

I have become very sensitive to how children are treated by their parents. I hear a mother yell, "Stop that, you are such a brat." I cringe & think to myself, "She really doesn't know how lucky she is to have that child." Never take for granted what you have, it can be lost in a heartbeat.

I hope that someday soon, my sister and brother in law will have a happy healthy lil' one in their arms ... a lil' one that an auntie can spoil with lots of love. I'm so very proud of the two of them... they've made it through something that many couples are not strong enough to get through.

Steph

Packaging Cake Pops

Thanks to Bakerella, I love making cake balls and cake pops. I discovered their greatness last year when my college girlfriends were in town, and one of them was talking about yummy cakeballs. I googled "cake ball" and that's how I found Bakerella's website, and it was choc full of those sugar bullets.

Fast forward a year...and I still like making them, but usually opt for cakeballs due to the ease of transporting them vs. the pops.

I recently saw a cute gift giving idea using what I suspect to be floral block (or styrofoam) in a cute basket, which acted as a base for keeping the cake pops steady and upright.

After a quick trip to the Dollar Tree, I found a basket, a piece of floral block, and a cellophane basket wrapper for a grand total of $3. I decided I was going to make a cake pop stand myself. if it flopped, at least I only spent $3, right?

Step 1: evenly space and mark floral block 1" from edge. I made room for 8 pops.

Step two: trace and cut out the same size circle out of scrapbook paper. Place on top of the floral block, mark where the holes are, and use a hole punch to punch out holes to match with the holes in the floral block. ( As you can see, I used a ballpoint pen to push through a hole..lesson learned, ballpoint pens don't make clean punches)Step 3: Put the foam block covered in scrapbook paper into the basket. I used a round floral block and round basket which measured just a 1/2 inch larger around. (No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, I switched the girly floral paper for manly navy blue to go with the basket). Add cake pops to the basket. Step 4: Wrap with cellophane and tie a bow. Voila! A smile in a basket that can be delivered with ease. This one's headed to a High School Grad tomorrow night.

Moustached Paisanos

I couldn't NOT post this photo my sister just sent my way.

Jimmie Vendrame (Brie's grandpa) sometime in the 80's....

Nick-2009

There's about a 30 year chunk of time between the photograph of my grandpa sportin the handlebars, and this one of my sunshine..but they both rocked them equally well. Think the the trend might catch on?

All American Apple Pie

With my father-in-law's Birthday approaching, I asked him what he'd like for his Birthday dessert, and his answer was apple pie. I used Paula Deen's apple pie filling recipe filled with tart Granny Smith's. He loves sailing, so I opted to give this pie a nautical twist by simply rolling out the excess dough and using an cookie cutter to cut the anchor shape out. A quick egg wash and into the oven, and voila! A Sailoriffic pie for my one-and-only father-in-law.

Thick skinned

Some people have been asking me how "things" are going with our journey to parenthood...and if you ask me, you will get a long docudrama-esque explanation, along with re-enactments if you hit me on a good day..Ask my husband and he keeps it short and sweet.

I envy this about him. I look up to him for his ability to keep things sane, straight and moving forward. Just enough information to answer a question, but not so much that others feel free to ask him twenty questions, thus limiting the akward situation-ness from his daily exchanges.

I, myself, have yet to master that quality. As my mama and my old gymnastics coaches always said, I am an open book. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and it's usually fairly easy for people to know when something is bothering me. Instead of mulling over things, and figuring out the consequences of what may come out of my mouth, I say things, and then later kick myself for letting other people into my world..but, I have no one to blame but myself for putting TMI out there.

It is getting to the point that I don't want people to know so much about my private life, and the road we are travelling in the world of babyloss and infertility issues. Not because I don't want to share with those who are also going through the same thing as us, but because of those who DO NOT KNOW what it's like from first hand experience. Those who say that they KNOW what we're going through, and spew out well intended cliches, or those who feel the need to tell us that they have a friend who lost five babies before they brought home a live one...Does that person really think that makes me feel better? Absolutely not.

However, I try to remind myself, that I wouldn't have to deal with words that hurt my feelings, if I never would have told anyone in the first place. The further we get into this whole journey, the more I am appreciating my husband's approach, and the more I am mad at myself for opening up to the real-world ( not the babyloss world, because so many of you have really really touched my heart and made me feel so not alone).

I made my blog private a couple weeks ago, but then realized that many other babyloss parents who are new to life-after-loss, would miss out on reading about the ups and downs I have gone through in trying to reclaim myself from the hole that was left in my heart on May 18, 2009. I wish there was a way to weed out readers, but there isn't...and so, I guess, I just need to get a thicker skin, or not say anything at all.

Paradise

A few weeks back, I tagged along with NZ as he went searching for surfable waves. I played with my camera and love these two shots. Someone recently asked me how I get the "effects" on my photos, and I have to credit Picnik for their free photo editing website. My favorite effects are "vignette" which makes the black around the edges, and "cross process" which ages the photos a bit.

No fancy camera required, just my CanonPowerShot SD880 IS which easily fits into a pocket or a purse for those Kodak moments. I think next Christmas, I will ask Santa for a "real" camera, particularly a Canon Rebel EOS model...or start saving my money to buy it myself, which may come sooner than Santa. Either way, taking pictures at the beach always puts a smile on my face. We live in paradise, and I feel so fortunate and grateful to call Southern California my home.