Desperately seeking.....

A couple of months back, NZ and I were in Shanghai near People's square, and found ourselves in the middle of the most perplexing "fair" we've ever experienced. To be quite honest, we weren't actually sure what we were in the midst of, but I can tell you there were literally thousands of people sitting side by side- many with upside down umbrellas that held fliers with what we thought to be personal information--because we can read mandarin and all-not! 

But, we could make out phone numbers, birthdates, ages...that was enough to get us thinking...

Were these people all aging parents looking for long lost children? 

There are tons of orphans throughout China, for many different reasons, but mainly because of China's strict one child per family rule and the extreme fines for anyone who breaks the law. This is what I thought, at least. I couldn't stop thinking about those pictures and the people squatting in the park with their fliers all afternoon.

NZ on the other hand, suggested that perhaps these people were looking for mates for their children. 

It took us a few months to show the pictures to his assistant for translation, but NZ was in fact correct. The thousands of people squatting out in the brisk November air were all parents looking to find mates for their children. 

For me, as a westerner, this just seems crazy, but for a culture like China in which social standing is key to survival, this is just a way to try and better one's life. When a couple marries, they often take on the responsibility of caring and providing homes for their parents. These parents are taking things into their own hands, hoping for a better life.

Home

                         

                                     My newest faux chalkboard creation

When Nick and I decided to make the move overseas, we liked the idea of having to "make it on our own". Figuring out a new city, culture, language..just the two of us, mano y mano. Turns out we have had help figuring it all out, in the form of fellow expats, and a handful of locals, but really, it's been me and him, him and me....and of course Sal, trudging through the day to day trials and tribulations of living in such a foreign country.

I'm glad we are here. I'm thankful for this experience.

Do I dream about the day we board a flight to LAX with one way tickets? Absolutely.

Southern California is where our roots are, and where we look forward to calling home again.

But for now, we live by a verse from Edward Sharpe and the magnificent zeros, which hangs in our dining room to remind us that "home is wherever I'm with you". It could be anywhere in the World, as long as we're together. 

A horrific picture

Did I get your attention?


Imagine the horror of the Chinese grandmas when we passed them with all ten toes exposed, and the baby feeding himself a whole graham cracker sheet. Despite the warmer weather, jackets and mittens are still the standard attire in Wuxi this week.

I on the other hand, am welcoming the warmer weather and wiggly toes!

Bring on Spring!

Growing pains

I'm going to come right on out and say it.

I'm going through some growing pains here in China. I think the real term for it, according to the stages of culture shock is "adjustment", but my oh my has this past week given me a lesson in patience.

Me, myself, I'm doing fine. As an adult, I can handle wrenches thrown in the works. But as a mother trying to provide the best for her son, I am finding that the "best" here is subpar to my expectations. Especially in terms of health care availability and quality (and we have the best expat coverage for a western run clinic).

It all started last week when I had made an appointment for my son to have an immunization and bloodtest to check for lead. I received an email the night prior from our sweet Belgian GP (gen practitioner) apologizing "that due to a new government database in Shanghai", she "is not able to bring immunizations to the Wuxi satellite clinic at this time." This means that for immunizations, we must now take a four hour round trip drive to the main expat hospital Shanghai. It will now take all day to go see the Doctor as opposed to one hour here in Wuxi.

The part that floors me is that we don't live in some off the beaten path village. We live in one of the wealthier Chinese cities!

Okay, so immunizations aside, and trying to cope with the idea of trekking to Shanghai just for shots, Sal also had to have a blood draw. I took him to our local expat clinic and there were three Chinese nurses holding him down, tying tourniquets on both arms. They couldn't find a vein in his little arms, so I kept suggesting they draw from his foot. Well, my good sport of a little boy (he doesn't even cry during shots), freaked the fuck out and screamed his heart out after about ten minutes of them tightening tourniquets, tapping his arms and holding him down. Finally, I ripped his sock off, pointed at his foot and said, "Please. Try his foot." Sure enough, he had a nice ripe vein there ready for sticking. 30 seconds later, it was all done with. I felt helpless for my son. I couldn't help but compare the level of knowledge to that of a phlebotomist in the states. Maybe my panties are in a bunch because I saw my son truly terrified for the first time in his life...but I've had my share of blood draws as an adult, and have never seen such a circus act.

Anyways, fast forward to today.

Sal has had a virus and has a wheezy cough. He was checked last week by our GP here in Wuxi, who said she couldn't hear anything. Both NZ and I would like a second opinion now that its been a week and he sounds worse. So, I decided we would kill two birds with one stone and take a trip to Shanghai to see a pediatrician at the Shanghai clinic since our GP is on holiday. I called to make an appointment today, for tomorrow ( so my driver can be given notice), and was told that if my son was sick, I would need to call back at 5p to make an appointment to see a pediatrician tomorrow.?!?! I explained our situation, and that I live in Wuxi, a 2 hour drive-and the fact that I require the services of a driver of hitch I would need to arrange with more notice. The receptionist puts me on hold. She comes back on the line and says, " I am sorry, but your son can not see a pediatrician tomorrow because he would be a new patient and we don't have the time."

I understand. I worked for a Doctor myself.

I get it.

Me: "Okay, then how about Wednesday, Thursday or Friday?"

Receptionist: " you would need to call back at 5p each day before to see if the pediatrician has time the next day."

Me: "if he requires 40 minutes for a new patient, wouldn't he be more likely to have forty minutes on Friday available now, then if I were to call on Thursday at 5p?"

Receptionist: "Yes, ma'am, but I can not make your son a sick appointment for Friday. You would need to call the day before you want your son seen. It is our policy."

I get it that they have a policy, but what I don't get, is how I will be able to have my son's cough assessed by a pediatrician?

The receptionist continues that if I want my son seen, she can make an appointment for any day this week to see a GP. So, yes, he can be seen, but not by a pediatrician. Although we are happy with our GP here in Wuxi, we would really like to have Sal see a pediatrician for this cough. I miss our ped visits back home, where the staff was nice, the physicians gave us lists of what to expect, and were on call for our questions. We never had to wait a day to see them if Sal was sick, and for me, as a parent, having access to quality, thorough medical care is of the upmost importance.

I won't lie. I had a little breakdown after my phone call which ended with no appointment being made. It pains me to have to jump through so many hoops to try and just make a simple pediatrician appointment.

But, I do realize that in time, this sort of stuff will bug me less, and just become our normal. It is what it is. We do have other options. I can take Sal to the local women's and children's Chinese hospital with the assistance of Nick's Chinese assistant. She takes her baby there, and would assist us with translation. My issue with the local hospitals is the lack-of-sanitary-ness and traditional Chinese medicine vs. western medicine methodologies. Just last Saturday, on one of our walks, NZ and I passed by a puddle of blood in the local hospital parking lot. I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw a puddle of blood anywhere, let alone a hospital parking lot. It's probably still there today. But, if his cough gets worse, we may find ourselves checking in to the VIP floor of the children's hospital just to see a pediatrician.

To end this post, let me just tell my fellow American readers, we've got it good back home. Don't take it for granted.

Grateful: Day 12: Western Facilities

Today I am grateful for western "facilities", as in, western toilets.

Before you go scratching your head, asking yourself, Western? toilet? Aren't all toilets the same?

Let me take a minute to show you..

Westerners...meet the Chinese "Squatty Potty".


image from itpleasesme.com
I couldn't bare to show you how dirty they really are. This one must be brand spankin new.

 

Yep. This is what I run into when needing to use the facilities while out and about. Some of the western restaurants have "normal" thrones, and believe me, all of us expat women know which places those are, but the majority of what one might end up using, are these squatty potties.

Oh, and bring your own packet of kleenex unless you like to drip dry. Most restrooms don't have toilet paper. And hand sanitizer. If they don't carry toilet paper, you can bet your dollar that hand sanitizer and soap are usually a missing element to the bathroom experience as well.

Maybe this explains why so many Chinese just pee outside in the open? At least they have the audience fresh air going for them.

Thankfully our apartment is outfitted with western toilets, for which, I am ever so grateful. Three years would be an aweful long time to "hold it", don't ya think?



Top 8 things we're missing

I've been asked more than a few times if there is anything we miss from home over here. Aside from family and friends ( which is a given), the answer is YES.

There are definitely things we miss from home, but all in all, China has been treating us well so far. We haven't found everything we WANT, but we do find most things that we NEED or things that will suffice for the time being.

So what do we miss?

1- Our bed. More precisely, our memory foam mattress. Our apartment came with a kingsize two metre bed, but the mattress leaves a lot to be desired. It's like we're glamping ( glamorous camping for those not in-the-know) everynight. I think our hardwood floors might be softer than the mattress. No joke. So, we're searching stores here for a memory foam mattress topper.

2- Our own vehicle. Hailing taxis is easy. Finding a taxi with working seatbelts to belt our son in the car is challenging. On average, we pass up 3-4 taxis each time we try to travel by taxi because of the lack of seatbelts. Also, if traveling during rush hour, and trying to get somewhere away from downtown, the taxi drivers will tell us they can't take us and pass us up! This is because they start their rides with a flat10RMB, and then charge additional for mileage. So they make more money doing a lot of short rides and collecting 10 RMB for 4 rides than they do if they take us somewhere further and charge mileage plus the 10RMB. It's ridiculously maddening when we finally find a taxi with seatbelts, get in, tell the driver where we want to go, and he won't take us there.
We usually have a driver during the week, which is nice because he helps me load the carseat and stroller into his car and will wait for me to do my errands. In fact, the other day, he took me and some of the girls out to lunch and literally gave us door to door service. But, there is nothing like being able to jump in your own car and head out to your destination. I miss the freedom of being able to go anywhere, anytime, with very little effort.

3- Cottage Cheese. I'm a cottage cheese fiend. Can not find it ANYWHERE here. I think I'm going to have withdrawls.

4- Ocean Breezes. Considering it's over 90 degrees and 90% humidity most days, I'd kill for a one gust of clean ocean air.

5- Target. Need I say more? Hey American friends, did you know that we're spoiled by having a one stop shop at our disposal? Uhm, yeah. We are. Just so you know. I've always loved Target, but I am quite certain it really is a shopper's paradise. I have dreams about being able to go to ONE store and find EVERYTHING I need and want. One day we shall be re-united, and what a glorious day that will be.

6- Rhineland Deli. Our Saturday sandwich joint. Oh-em-gee, we miss those decadent sandwiches piled high with deli meats, fresh produce ( mmm, avocado!) and cheese. Somehow, our hormel ham and american cheese sandwiches that we can make here just don't compare.

7- Surfing. I catch NZ watching youtube videos and checking surfline in the mornings. I think his boards will make the trip over here next time we go home. There are some fantastic surf destinations in Indonesia, which we are a hop skip and a vacation away from. It's hard to take the beach away from a boy born with sand between his toes.

8- Sewing & Baking. I swear that getting pinterest access here is a cruel joke someone is playing on me. I can pin my little heart out, only to realize that I have no way of making such projects. I have yet to find any retail fabric shops, and only one sewing machine ( at IKEA). Until I find fabric here, I don't see the point in buying a machine, and really, I'd prefer a Singer or Janome machine if I can be picky here. Baking is pretty hard to do with a countertop toaster oven, although it is possible. Just difficult. I successfully burnt a batch of flourless peanut butter cookies in the oven's maiden voyage a few weeks ago. I'm building up my confidence to give that celcius thermostat another go. One of these days I will bake the most beautiful 6 cookies this side of  Wuxi New District.

Other than those silly things we miss, it's been good here. I'm enjoying exploring shopping areas with new friends; Sal is enjoying playing with other babies, and feeding the koi with his dad;and Nick is enjoying evenings out  finding good sushi and burger joints with the fellas.

Shopping adventures

We set out this afternoon with Frederic, a colleague of NZ's who has been living in Wuxi for the last 6 years to have him show us where the best places to buy housewares and day-to-day necessities were. He took us to a pizzeria, which turned out to be Papa Johns, a totally American pizza chain. Only, in China, Papa Johns is a sit down, dine in restaurant. Crazy, right? The pizza was delish. A taste of home.

From Papa johns we loaded up in Frederic's car, cranked the A/c ( it's a very muggy 90 degrees farenheit today) and set out for METRo, which is the equivalent of COSTCO or Sam's club in the U.S.A. One must have a business account to gain membership.

We parked the car and met with Frederic's interpreter and a driver from his Company who brought a van to help transport our purchases to our apartment. This my friends, was our entourage. Five adults and a baby, shopping together for housewares. It was nice to have Frederic's advice on what brands of toothpaste to avoid (bleach?!) as well as Irene's assistance in dechiphering the difference between shampoo, conditioner and lotion. Lord knows I'd have a hissy fit in the shower if I had unknowingly purchased three conditioners instead of one shampoo, one conditioner and one lotion. It could (and probably will) totally happen.

Our biggest obstacle today, aside from deciding if a king size bed was the same as a 2 meter mattress, were Sal's fans. What was so endearing the first 24 hours has quickly become my pet peeve. People just can not leave their hands off of him. We were in an aisle making silverware decisions, and I had just gotten Sal to sleep. I had my hand on the stroller, but turned my back to help NZ choose between two patterns and when I turned around just seconds later, a Chinese woman had her face wedged in under the canopy of his stroller, and was touching his face!

I turned into mama Bear and said a very clear "no!" and pulled his canopy back down, but the damage to his only afternoon nap was done. He spent the rest of our METRO shopping trip on NZ's shoulder so that he could police the touchy McTouchersons. It's seriously a major issue we will have to overcome. I think they mean well, but never in a million years would that type of personal space invasion take place in the states.

Boundaries do not exist here.

This is clear.

From METRO we made it over to IKEA which just opened a couple of days ago. For those who are wondering, IKEA in China is just as confusing as IKEA in the U.S.A.. We felt right at home. We ended up buying most of our linens and bath goods there, as well as a crib and changing table for Sal. I'm not too wild about the mattress we found, but it was the firmest one available. Nick found a super neat rug for Sals room, that has a little road printed on it. I imagine in a year or two he will be driving little cars over it.

Right now, Sal and I are back at the hotel, in our nice air conditioned room, taking what I hope will be a nice long afternoon nap to make up for the two he got slighted on earlier today.